


bad ideas & new beginnings

by kindalonelyqueerkid



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Accidental Innuendo, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Fluff, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Seduction, Sexual References, SnowBaz, as slow burn as i can make it in a one chapter fic, awkwardly making out, baz and penny are friends?!, baz and penny are ultimate bromance, baz in makeup, baz is sooooo in love, cursing, my little gays are happy in the end because i can’t hurt them, penny being queen, penny is the best and everyone knows it, seven tries, simon keeps blushing, six failures and one success, switching POVs, they’re sooooooooo in loveeeeee guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 04:33:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15678093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindalonelyqueerkid/pseuds/kindalonelyqueerkid
Summary: Baz explains that he likes Simon to Penny and begs her for help. Hilarity, angst, and shenanigans ensue as the two try to seduce Simon in every way possible.“The indestructible Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch has come to me for help! I’m honored!”“You want me to help you get Simon Snow, my best friend, to fall in love with you.” she pauses, “that sounds like the worst idea I’ve ever heard, of course I’ll help you!”





	bad ideas & new beginnings

**Baz:**

I was completely out of options! Said every person who was in love with someone else ever.

 

Bunce and I have been kinda friends since first year, but that dissolved into a rivalry as soon as we realized that we were fighting for the top spot in all of our classes. Contrary to the popular belief of the school, we’re still friends and talk every once and awhile.

 

I sigh. Yes, going to Penelope is probably high on the list of bad ideas that I’ve had. She enters the library and I don’t really have time to think about that anymore.

 

“Penelope!” I call out to her.

 

She turns my way, looks surprised, and then walks over to me.

 

“What’s up, Basil?” she asks.

 

“I need your help,” I say and it feels like I’m admitting defeat. Which, in some ways, is exactly what I am doing.

 

“The indestructible Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch has come to _me_ for help! I’m honored!” she says laughingly.

 

“Let me explain, this is my last resort.”

 

“Explain,” she says, “now I’m interested.”

 

“Iaminlovewithsimonsnow.” I mumble.

 

“What?” she looks terribly confused.

 

“I said: I am in love with Simon Snow.”

 

Penelope’s eyes widen, “You’re in love with Simon?”

 

“Yes. Now please help me.”

 

“Let me get this straight, or gay, or bi, or whatever you identify as. You want me to help you get him to fall in love with you.”

 

“That’s the idea, yeah.” I answer.

 

“You want me to help you get Simon Snow, my best friend, to fall in love with you.” she pauses, “that sounds like the worst idea I’ve ever heard, of course I’ll help you!”

 

“You will?” I ask, shocked.

 

“Of course! This has the potential to be the most hilarious thing I’ve ever participated in.” she looks at my nervous face, “not to be making fun of you, Baz, I actually think you guys would be a cute couple. Anyways, meet me here tomorrow and we can go over some courses of action.”

 

“O-okay…” I stutter.

 

“Great! See you tomorrow, Baz!”

 

“See you, Penelope.” I reply.

 

She turns around, “If we are working together here, then you should call me Penny.”

 

“See you, Penny.”

 

She seems satisfied enough, and hurries away.

  


**Penny:**

Basilton Grimm-Pitch asked me for help. 

 

“Wow,” I shake my head as I sit down at my desk, “never thought that would happen.”

 

“What would happen?” asks Trixie from the other side of the room.

 

“Nothing, Trixie.” I say a bit too quickly.

 

She doesn’t notice my slip-up. I honestly don’t think she notices anything unless it’s about her girlfriend. _Her girlfriend!_

 

“Trixie?” I ask.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You have a girlfriend, right?”

 

“Yeah, Keris.”

 

“Do you have any tips to set up two guys?” I ask, practically clapping myself on the back for my ingenious idea.

 

“Uhmm… force them to spend time with each other. Sharing a bed is always a good trope, if you’re writing fanfiction.”

 

“I am not writing fanfiction!” I say, indignant, but I write down _sharing a bed_ anyways.

 

So far I have:

 

  * __sharing a bed__


  * _lock them in a room together_



 

 

“Have anything else?” I ask her.

 

“Nah, I can’t think of anything else. Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.” _no it’s not, I can’t do this!!!_

 

I decide to ask Agatha, which is probably a bad idea, seeing as she is Simon’s ex-girlfriend, but I don’t have to tell her why I’m asking.

 

I leave my dorm and walk down the hall to her room. She answers the door in her purple silk pajamas.

 

“Oh. Hey, Penny.”

 

“Hi, Agatha.”

 

“C’mon in,” she says, stepping aside.

 

I sit on the edge of her bed, pen and paper in hand.

 

“Okay, so do you have any tips for getting people together? I’m asking for a friend.” _asking for a friend? how cliche do you have to be, Penelope?! She’s gonna think you’re asking for yourself, idiot._

 

“Well, act seductive, wear makeup, and flirt.”

 

“Okay, thanks.”

 

“That’s all?” she asks.

 

“Yep!”

 

I hurry back to my room to write everything that she said down.

 

So far I have:

 

  * __sharing a bed__


  * _lock them in a room together_


  * _act seductive_


  * _wear makeup_


  * _flirt_



 

 

I think about it some more and then add _try to impress_ and _just be nice to him, dammit!!_ to the list.

 

Now I have:

 

  * __sharing a bed__


  * _lock them in a room together_


  * _act seductive_


  * _wear makeup_


  * _flirt_


  * _try to impress_


  * _just be nice to him, dammit!!_



 

 

Let’s hope this is enough for Baz.

  


**Baz:**

I tap my fingers on the desk in front of me, repeating the same rhythm over and over. Right after this class, Greek, I have to meet with Penny. I’m slightly panicked.

 

I practically run to the library. I don’t actually run because that would be undignified, but I’m pretty close. Penny is already there.

 

I sit down next to her and she turns to me.

 

“Hey, Baz.”

 

“Hey.”

 

“Alright,” she begins, taking out a piece of paper, “I created a list of seven things that might work.”

 

I take the paper from her. It reads:

 

  * __sharing a bed__


  * _lock them in a room together_


  * _act seductive_


  * _wear makeup_


  * _flirt_


  * _try to impress_


  * _just be nice to him, dammit!!_



 

 

“Sharing a bed?” I ask.

 

“Yeah, I don’t really know; it was Trixie’s idea.”

 

“Your roommate?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Well, I don’t see how it could work without something happening to one of our beds. And I don’t want to sabotage him.”

 

She shrugs, “Wait for him to slip up or something.”

 

“That will be easy,” I say and she glares at me. I change the subject,“we already share a room, so locking us in a room together is already done every night.”

 

“The idea is more like locking you two in a room and you have to help each other get out of it. It was Trixie’s idea again. She thought I was writing fanfiction.”

 

I almost snort, “You, Penelope Bunce, writing gay fanfiction?!”

 

“It is a rather ridiculous notion, innit?” she asks the air.

 

I look down the list, “Seduction might work, but I don’t think that I’m ready for that yet. As for makeup, hell no.”

 

She looks at me fiercely, “At least some eyeliner!”

 

“As a last resort.” I snap. The truth is that I kinda like wearing makeup, no matter how cliche queer I sound, but I would never admit that. Especially not to Penny and never out loud.

 

She seems satisfied enough with this answer and then takes a look at the paper in my hand, deep in thought. I’m starting to think that this was a really bad idea, but I can’t do anything about that now. I might as well leave it to fate. Fuck fate. Fuck my ridiculous crush. Fuck Simon. Maybe not yet on that last one.

 

“Flirting?” she questions me when I don’t speak again.

 

“Sure, I’ll try that, but it’s basically the same thing as seduction.”

 

“I thought it was like, less than seduction?”

 

“Whatever,” I say, “impressing him seems to have totally failed all the other times that I’ve tried, but we’ll go with it.”

 

“Just be nice to him!” she says, “bring him scones or something.”

 

“Fine, I’ll _be nice to him_.”

 

“Good. I think this might work.”

 

“You actually believe that these half-baked plans will work?” I ask, incredulous.

 

“Maybe. You never know, do you?”

 

“Stop it with the rhetoricals please.”

 

“Fine. Good luck, Baz.” she says and then gets up and leaves the library. I am left clutching the piece of paper to my chest. This better fucking work.

  


**Simon:**

Baz comes in to our room late. I notice that he has cobwebs in his hair. For some reason that fact makes me smile a bit. Maybe he’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is. And I’m the only one that gets to see these things because then he gets in the shower and washes the imperfections away. It’s kinda sad to wash all of that off, but probably much cleanlier. Of course, I don’t really bother with that. He always loves to remind me. I hate him.

 

“Hey.” I say I opt for the standoffish type of greeting instead of spilling the babbling thoughts in my head from a few seconds earlier. See, Baz, I do have some self control.

 

“Hey.” he answers and his voice is kinder than it has ever been. I almost ask him about, but stop myself just in time.

 

He disappears into the shower and I flop backwards onto my bed. I feel my magick pooling in my fingertips. It’s warm and golden. As if magick is my blood now. magick is what’s keeping me alive and rushing through my veins.

 

My magick does this sometimes, bubbling up like this. It seems random. I’ve asked Penny about this before, but even she doesn’t really have an answer for me. No one has an answer for me when it comes to my magick. Not even Baz, who always has a comeback could ever hope to understand that side of me.

 

For some reason, I hope that one day someone, maybe even him, will try to do that for me, but I doubt that would ever happen. No one would bother. They think I have got all of this planned out when I really don’t. I don’t know how to be a chosen one. Baz is right: I am the worst chosen one to ever have been chosen.

 

Barely a month ago, when I was dating Agatha, I told her that. She laughed and gave me one of her little whimsical kisses. It didn’t make me feel better.

 

My magick swells up. All of a sudden my skin is tingling and my ears are ringing.

 

“Baz!” I gasp out and my words are filled with magick.

  


**Baz:**

I get out of the shower and Snow’s voice, saying my name, comes through the door. Gasping. He’s saying my name as though...as though… No! He would never say my name like that. He will never say my name like that, but I have to check.

 

I wrap myself in a towel and open the bathroom door. The room smells like magick. Like smoke and something sweet. His magick.

 

“Simon?” I ask. Fuck. I said his name.

 

He’s lying on his back and there’s fire in his hands. I gasp a little. I can’t help it.

 

 _He’s beautiful_ , I think.

 

And then, _holy shit_.

 

“ **Make a wish!** ” I shout and the fire disappears.

 

He doesn’t get up. A million thoughts rush through my head. _He’s dead. He’s dead and I killed him. I killed the boy that I’m hopelessly in love with. He’s dead and it’s my fault._

 

“What are you saying? You’re mumbling.” Simon’s voice breaks through my terrified more-out-loud-than-I-thought-they-were thoughts.

 

“Sorry, nothing.”

 

“Something about death and love…” he trails off and I look up, praying that he doesn’t see the nervousness that I know is there in my eyes.

 

“It was nothing, Simon!” I snap. Fuck.

 

His gorgeous blue eyes widen. “You called me Simon?”

 

“I did nothing of the sort, Snow. Stop imagining things.” _wow, this being nice thing is really going well. I should get a fucking award for this shit._

 

“You called me Simon. I heard you.”

 

“You’re hearing things. No wonder you can’t cast a simple spell without getting hopelessly distracted and fucking it up.” _I don’t know how I can cast spells without being distracted by your idiotically beautiful face._

 

“You’re an arsehole, Baz.”

 

I flinch, but pretend like I didn’t. “Fuck off, Snow.”

 

It goes like this every single time I try to do something nice for him, I don’t know why I even try anymore.

 

Well, yes I do. It’s because I’m hopelessly in love with him. It’s because every single time that I look at him I fall in love a little bit more. It’s because he’s straight as a ruler and I have a habit of wanting things that I can’t possibly have. It’s because he’s the Chosen One, destined to save the world of mages, and I’m just a gay vampire with decent magick skills.

 

I sigh and take my pajamas out of the closet. Then I change in the bathroom. We _never_ change in front of each other. Ever. Although, part of me is hoping that one day we will. One day we’ll do much more than just change clothes in front of each other.

  


**Penny:**

Simon stalks over to me in the dining hall. He flops down on the bench as if defeated. His tie is untied. He grabs a scone, drenches it in butter, and practically shoves it into his mouth. To be honest, it’s disgusting, but I feel bad telling him that to his face.

 

“What’s wrong, Si?” I ask him, this behaviour is seriously worrying me.

 

“Baz fucking Pitch.” he snaps.

 

“Oh no,” I can’t help but to say.

 

“Why would you care, Penny? He’s just my stupid, arsehole roommate.”

 

I blush a little, not wanting to give anything away. “I worry about _you_ , Simon. Not Baz.” _I’m totally not helping Baz get you to fall in love with him. Nope, not me._

 

I hurriedly fix his tie and think about how I can sneak away to see Baz without Simon noticing our conspiratorial behaviour.

 

He sighs angrily, “I’m going to do some homework in the library before class starts.”

 

Woah, this has seriously messed with his head if he is going to do homework without an incentive.

 

“Alright, Si. I’ll see you later.”

 

He leaves and five minutes later Baz enters the dining hall. I wave him over.

 

“What the hell happened?!” I ask as soon as he sits downs on the bench beside me.

 

“What the hell happened with what?” he asks coolly.

 

“Simon, you idiot! He’s in an awful mood and he said it’s your fault.”

 

Baz sighs and taps his fingers on the table, I’m noticing that’s a nervous habit of his, he was doing it before he talked to me yesterday.

 

“Fine,” he says, “his magick went crazy or something. I came out of the bathroom to him literally playing with fire. He looked terrified so I spelled it away. Then it just escalated from there. And now he’s even more angry with me than he usually is.”

 

It’s my turn to sigh. “Seriously? You might have saved his life and now you two are pissed at each other?”

 

“I’m not pissed at him. He’s pissed at me!”

 

“Fine. Whatever it is, it’s really stupid.”

 

“You think that I don’t know that?!” he snaps, “I feel awful every time one of these stupid things happen. I just want him to love me as much as I love him.”

 

I smile a little bit. How could I have ever felt like Baz was evil? He’s just a stupidly in love teenage vampire, which is still pretty ridiculous now that I think about it.

 

“Bring him some scones to say sorry. He’s in the library.” I say, “maybe that will help your cause.”

 

“I sure hope so,” Baz says and fills a napkin with scones and a container of butter, “because the librarian will totally kill me if she sees me with this stuff anywhere near her precious books.”

 

I laugh and send him on his way. I’m really starting to be on Baz’s side in this situation. Gods, they would be a cute couple. Maybe Trixie’s not too far off on the whole me-writing-gay-fanfiction thing. I’m sure that I would be a wonderful fanfic author.

  


**Simon:**

Someone comes up behind me. I know it’s Baz, but I don’t turn around. He clears his throat.

 

“What do _you_ want?” I snap.

 

He sits down beside me and puts a shaky hand on my arm. “I’m just bringing you some food.”

 

I look up. His dark hair is falling in his face, just how I like it. _Why did I just think that?_ I don’t dwell on it and pick up a piping hot scone from the napkin on the table beside me. I think Baz smiles a little, but it’s more like his lips twitched a bit.

 

“Thanks for the food,” I say through a mouthful of scone.

 

“You’re welcome,” he says, “I’m sorry, Simon.”

 

“What?” I almost spit out my scone.

 

“I’m sorry, Snow.” he repeats, “for being a dick to you.”

 

“Yeah, I was pretty sure I knew what you were apologizing for.” I say once I’ve swallowed, “you just said my name.”

 

“No, I didn't.”

 

I smile a little bit at his stupid aversion to my name. It's like if he says it he thinks he's casting some illegal death spell. “So are you gonna tell me what you were mumbling about last night? Something about death and love…”

 

“We’re not schoolgirls, we’re almost in sixth year.” he snaps, “and it doesn’t even matter anyways.”

 

“From the way you’re saying that, it matters very much.” I press him more, “do you have a _crush_ on someone?”

 

“I saved your miserable life, Snow. Give me a break from your idiocy.” Baz says and stands to leave.

 

I am speechless for a second as I realize what he said is true. He did save my life. My magick was out of control and he made sure that I didn’t go off. If I had, I might have burned down Mummers House and seriously injured people, including myself.

 

I look up to thank him, but he’s already gone. I realize that he’s now the one who got to know my magick side the best. And for some reason I’m happy that it’s him.

  


**Baz:**

Penny’s still sitting in the same place that I left her when I re-enter the dining hall. She looks up when I sit down next to her for the second time this morning. I take a scone from the basket in front of her.

 

“I think it’s time for desperate measures.” I say.

 

She raises her eyebrows, “What kind of desperate measures are you talking about?

 

I take the list out of my pocket.

 

  * __sharing a bed__


  * _lock them in a room together_


  * _act seductive_


  * _wear makeup_


  * _flirt_


  * _try to impress_


  * ~~_just be nice to him, dammit!!_~~



 

 

“Being nice didn’t work and so therefore we are going to take desperate measures by locking us in a room together.” I say quickly.

 

Penny looks like she’s about to laugh, “I think Trixie was kinda kidding on that one.”

 

“We’re doing it!” I say insistently.

 

“Alright, alright,” she admits defeat, “how exactly?”

 

“You’re going to tell Snow to meet you in that little tower by the sports fields. I’ll be waiting at the top of it for him. When he comes in then you have to close the door at the bottom. The door locks immediately and then you go back to your dorm. I’ll take food and stuff just in case. If we aren’t at breakfast then come get us. Okay?”

 

“That’s your genius plan?” she asks.

 

“Yeah,” I say, “is it awful?”

 

“No.” she answers, “in fact, it’s pretty good.”

 

“Great. Now that’s settled. I need to get my things for class.” I say, “talk to you later, Penny.”

 

“See you later, Baz!” she says and I leave the dining hall. I get my things for class from our (mine and Simon’s) room and then am ten minutes early to my first class.

 

Class hasn’t even started yet and I can’t wait for it to end. This is going to be a long day.

  


**Simon:**

“Simon!” Penny pulls me aside after class. Baz brushes past me and I turn away from Penny for a few seconds.

 

“What?” I ask when I turn back to her. She is stuffing her arms into her coat.

 

“It’s fine, meet me in the tower outside the sports fields tonight at dusk.” she says quickly, “I gotta go to class.”

 

“Wait, Pen!” I shout, but she’s already racing away down the hall and I don’t really feel like going after her. I guess I’ll wait for dusk at that weird little tower over near the sports fields. There’s only old sports uniforms and cleaning supplies over there. I wonder what she has to tell me.

  


**Baz:**

I take my dinner to the top of the tower with me. I also take my homework and a blanket. Then I sit on the window-ledge and look over the sports fields. You can see more than that from this vantage point though, half of Watford’s campus is spread out below me. I can see lights on in Mummer’s house and if I squint into the distance I can see the weeping tower.

 

It’s kind of pretty. I can see what my mum loved so much about Watford, but I can’t think about my mum right now. I have a beautiful boy to seduce.

 

 _If my mum could see me now…_ I also shouldn’t think about that. I shudder. My father already hates the fact that I’m gay and if I told him that I have a crush on the Chosen One...he would most definitely consider killing me.

 

I see Penny sneaking towards the tower, keeping in the shadows. She looks up, sees me, and waves.

 

“Stay there.” I mouth at her.

 

She nods and retreats into the trees.

 

A few minutes later I see Si-Snow walking towards the tower with his schoolbag still slung over his shoulder. Then he’s climbing the stairs in the tower. I can hear his footsteps.

 

I turn towards him right as he steps through the door to the tower. He freezes when he sees me. I suppress a smile.

 

He’s wearing this adorable sweater that matches the color of his eyes. I stare at him.

 

“Have you seen Penny?” he asks.

 

“Not around here, no.” I answer.

 

I hear the door downstairs close and the Watford locking charms take effect. Damn, Penny is a wonderful accomplice.

 

Simon hears them too and groans, “Fuck. It looks like we’re stuck here.”

 

I climb down from the window and sit on the floor, “Looks like it.”

 

He leans against the wall and slowly sinks to the ground. Now he’s on my level. I smirk a little bit. _Oh, I want to kiss him so badly..._

 

I take out my homework and he picks at a stray thread on his sweater. After a while of this annoyingly adorable habit of his I put down my books and look up at him. It’s dark outside. He yawns.

 

“I’m done,” I say, “we should at least try to get some sleep.”

 

He nods in agreement and closes his eyes. “I’m cold.”

 

I don’t know why I say it, but I do anyways. “Come here.”

 

“What?” he asks, eyes flying open.

 

“Come here.” I repeat.

 

“You’re serious?”

 

I put my bag under my head like a pillow and pull aside the blanket I brought, giving him room. The actions speak for me. _Yes, you idiot, I want you to come over here and sleep next to me instead of freezing to death_ . _I also want other things, but now is not the time to mention them to you._

 

He drags his schoolbag with him and copies my pillow idea. He looks apprehensively at me. I raise my eyebrows at him. Then he gets into our makeshift bed beside me. He’s still shivering, his teeth chattering together and his whole body trembling.

 

I reach out and put my hand on his shoulder. “Come here, Simon.” he doesn’t respond, “please.”

 

He looks at me. And then he throws his body into mine.

 

We’re all tangled together, a mess of limbs on the grimey floor of this ridiculous tower. He hooks his legs around mine, rests his head on my chest, and wraps his arms around me. I doubt that I am going to get much sleep tonight.

  


**Penny:**

I go to the tower before breakfast. The locking charms were broken with the dawn. Simon and Baz are curled up--together--under a blanket.

 

I don’t really want to disturb them, but I do anyways, “Good morning!”

 

Baz is the first to open his eyes. He smiles a little when he sees me and gives me a thumbs up, mouthing: _it worked!_ This is a choreographed dance that we’re doing, and now the audience is finally appreciating it.

 

I frown at him and mouth back: _tell me later, please_.

 

He nods and Simon opens his eyes.

 

“‘Morning, Pen.” he grumbles, “ugh, my back is killing me.”

 

Baz gets out from under the blanket, but I see that he lets his fingers linger on Simon’s arm. It’s so obvious how in love he is. Oh, I hope to whatever deities who exist that it’s not unrequited.

 

Simon follows suit with Baz and picks up his bag.

 

“I’m going back to the room to change,” he says sleepily, “see you guys later.”

 

Baz tosses the blanket over his shoulder and turns to me. He seems to think that any second I’m going to explode with questions, which is not exactly a false assumption.

 

“Alright,” he says, “I didn’t sleep well at all, but we shared a bed in a way. So we can cross three things off of our list.”

 

I grin, “That’s pretty good!”

 

He takes out the piece of paper I gave him and shows it to me. It now reads:

 

  * ~~__sharing a bed__~~


  * ~~_lock them in a room together_~~


  * _act seductive_


  * _wear makeup_


  * _flirt_


  * _try to impress_


  * ~~_just be nice to him, dammit!!_~~



 

 

“I think it’s time to have you take another drastic measure.” I say after I read the list.

 

“Makeup?” he questions.

 

“At least eyeliner, mascara, and maybe I can paint your nails.”

 

“You want to paint my nails?!” he asks, incredulously.

 

“Why not?”

 

He doesn’t have an answer to that.

 

“It will be fun! We can just do black. You know, just something simple.” I tell him.

 

“Fine,” he agrees, “but not today, I’m too tired to try anything new with Simon.”

 

“You’re calling him Simon!” I crow happily, even over my disappointment that I don’t get to paint his nails today.

 

“Yeah, guess I am.” he says, “not to his face though.”

 

“It’s progress.”

 

“All of this is progress.”

  


**Simon:**

The day passes excruciatingly slowly. I can’t concentrate on anything. Baz doesn’t seem to be faring better than I am; he keeps looking over at me and there are dark circles under his eyes. Part of me wants to laugh at his misery, but the other half feels bad. How bad can a person who offered you a blanket and cuddles because you were cold be?

 

_He’s evil!_

 

I don’t even know why I am thinking that he might be a good person. Just because he lent me a blanket. We were stuck in a freezing tower. Anyone would do that. He’s not special.

 

He’s. Not. Special.

 

I have to force myself to think that, which is strange. Very strange. I don’t know what’s happening to me! I decide to talk to Penny as soon as I possibly can. Surely she will know what’s wrong and what to do to fix it.

  


**Baz:**

Penny waves me over in the library after class. Then she slips a bottle of jet black nail varnish, mascara, and liquid eyeliner into my hand.

 

I sigh, “You’re kidding me.”

 

“Nope!” she says.

 

“I’ll do it tomorrow, Penny.”

 

“Really?”

 

“No.” I snap, but that’s a lie. I actually love wearing makeup and shit like that. I blame it on my younger sister, Mordelia, who is the beauty queen of the family. And the only one who truly accepts me for being gay.

 

She grins, “Liar!”

 

She caught me, that fucker, “I’ll do it.”

  


**Simon:**

I see Penny across the library. And then Baz comes up to her. She hands him something. They start talking to each other, but I’m too far away to hear them. Then Baz walks away and Penny sees me.

 

She waves.

 

I walk over to her quickly. “Hey, Pen, what was that about?”

 

She frowns, “What about?”

 

“You talking to Baz of course.”

 

“Oh,” she pauses, “uh, we’re doing a project together in that Magick Runes course and he was asking when we could meet up outside of class.”

 

“Okay,” I laugh, “just checking that you’re not part of one of his ridiculous schemes.”

 

She gives me a half hearted smile, “I would never dream of it, Si.”

 

“I need to talk to you about something.” I admit after a few moments of awkward silence.

 

“Then sit,” she motions to the chair next to her.

 

I do. “It’s about Baz.”

 

“Oh?” she cocks her eyebrow up, “Your ridiculous, scheming roommate?”

 

“That’s the one.” I say, “anyways, he’s been acting weird.”

 

“Weird? A lot of things are weird to you. Please specify.”

 

“In that tower…” I begin and Penny nods for me to keep going, “he was being nice to me. As if he actually cared about me, ya know?”

 

She smiles a little bit, kind of like she’s trying to hide it. “Well maybe he does.”

 

“You’re saying that Baz, my evil roommate who’s been a git to me my entire time at this school, cares about me?”

 

“You never know.” she says cryptically, “you should test this theory.”

 

“And you do you suppose I do that?”

 

“By asking to share his bed tonight.”

 

“What?!” I practically shout, when people look over I lower my voice to a menacing whisper, “you have got to be kidding me.”

 

“I’m not kidding you,” she answers simply, “you should try it. It’s a test for him to see if he really cares about you.”

 

“What if he does care about me?” I ask nervously.

 

“What if he does?”

 

“And what if I care about him too?”

 

“Then you’ve got yourself an answer to five years of pointless fighting, and maybe a boyfriend.”

 

I blush furiously, “A boyfriend? He’s not gay. I’m not gay! And we hate each other! We're enemies!” I don't say the last part with very much enthusiasm. 

 

“You never know.” she says, “just trust me.”

 

I sigh.

 

“Ask him tonight, Si. Do it for me?” she looks at me imploringly. I hate that look because it means I just have to give in.

 

“Fine,” I give in, “but when this goes terribly wrong, I am blaming it all on you.”

 

“You do that.” she answers and turns back to her work. I know I am dismissed.

  


**Baz:**

I hide the makeup underneath the bathroom sink and decide to go to the catacombs early. I haven’t seen Snow since this morning’s classes. He looked awful then, but so did I so it’s fair. I hope that he didn’t get weirded out by me glancing over at him every few minutes. Knowing him he probably thinks it’s all part of some fantastical, imaginary plot to kill him. If only he knew. If only he knew.

 

The catacombs are darker than I remember them. And definitely more cobwebby. It seems that the spider population doubles every time I come down here. If only vampires ate spiders. _No, that would be disgusting. Bad idea._

 

I hunt as quickly as I possibly can and head back to the room. Simon isn’t there, which is kind of strange, but I brush it off. If I get to sleep before he gets here, then maybe I might actually feel well rested in the morning. Normally I stay up late watching him sleep and connecting his freckles with imaginary lines.

 

Unfortunately, as soon as I exit the bathroom in my pajamas, Snow is there. And he’s sitting on _my_ bed.

 

“What the hell, Snow?”

 

He looks up, “Yes?”

 

“You’re sitting on my bed.” I say waspishly, as if saying that will somehow scare him back across the room.

 

It doesn’t.

 

“I was wondering,” he begins, “if I could sleep in your bed tonight?”

 

My breath catches in my throat and I feel my body freeze. “What?”

 

“I was wondering if I could--”

 

“I heard you the first time,” I interrupt, “but why?”

 

“Because it was warm and I really liked it the first time.”

 

I realize how suggestive that would sound if you took it out of context and can’t keep the blood I just drank from rising to my cheeks. “Fine. Just don’t wake me up in the middle of the night or do anything stupid,” I hear myself saying before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

 

Simon’s face breaks into a grin, “Thanks, Baz!”

 

“Whatever.” I mutter. I’m too tired to even care, but I know that I won’t be getting any sleep at all tonight.

 

Simon disappears into the bathroom with his pajamas and I flop down on my bed. I bet Penny put him up to this. _Telling that girl about my stupid crush was such a bad idea..._

 

When Simon comes out of the bathroom, I am under the covers, pointedly facing the wall. He lays down next to me.

 

I try to relax. It doesn’t work because as soon as I take a deep breath my body relaxes into his and he puts an arm around me. I tense up immediately.

 

He quickly removes his arm, but doesn’t move away fully.

 

I can’t believe that I fell asleep, but somehow I did because the next thing I know Snow is ripping open the curtains and unhealthily-bright light is filtering into the room.

 

“Shouldn’t you be leaving for breakfast, Simon?” I ask and then realize: _it’s Saturday and I just called him Simon._

 

Fortunately, Simon’s surely-scathing reply is interrupted by the bedroom door being thrown open by none other than Penelope Bunce.

 

“Hello, lovebirds!” she greets us and part of my soul dies.

 

“We are not-” Snow protests.

 

“What do you want, Penelope?” I interrupt.

 

“We gotta work on that project for Magickal Runes, Basil. Why else would I be here?”

 

The last time I checked there was definitely not a project in Magickal Runes, but then I realize what she means. She wants to get me away from Simon so that we can talk about the situation. Of course. “Yeah, let me just get dressed and then maybe eat something if keeping myself alive doesn’t waste your time.”

 

She ignores my bitchy tone and nods, “Hurry up.”

  


**Penny:**

Baz stalks into the bathroom and Simon turns to me. I don’t seem to be able to look him in the eyes so I just stare at the ground.

 

“Why did you call me and Baz _lovebirds_?” he asks, obviously annoyed.

 

“I’m sorry!” I say, “I mean, did you share a bed last night?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Well then maybe there’s some truth to that statement.”

 

He blushes, “No. I really don’t think he’s gay.”

 

“And how do you know?”

 

He doesn’t answer that one.

 

Baz comes out of the bathroom, interrupting my conversation with Simon. I’ll have to thank him for it later. Simon is staring at Baz, probably thinking something about how perfect he looks. My best friend is a fucking moron, but I love him anyways.

 

I drag Baz out of Mummers House and towards the library.

 

“Do you have the stuff I gave you?” I ask.

 

He takes the makeup out of his pocket, “I still think this is a bad idea.”

 

“I still think it’s a wonderful idea.”

 

He sighs, “Whatever you say, Penny.”

 

“I say I am going to paint your nails today!” I inform him.

 

“Shouldn’t we be going to your room or the wavering wood or something?” he asks me.

 

I pause, “Yes, let’s go there.”

 

Together, we traipse through the woods until we get to a small clearing. I sit down on the sun-dappled, mossy ground, it’s surprisingly warm out for the middle of November, and wait for Baz to join me. He awkwardly sits down beside me and I realize how lanky he really is. I’m not exactly short at 5’4”, or at least that’s what I tell myself, but I feel exceptionally tiny sitting next to him.

 

Simon is taller than me at 5’9”, but Baz is around 6’1”. They really do have the perfect height difference.

 

Baz flops down on his stomach and holds out his hands. When I give him a look of pure confusion he laughs, “I’m holding out my hands so that you can paint my nails, Pen.”

 

“Oh.” I answer, opening the small bottle of varnish.

 

After a few minutes of painting in silence, a question comes to my mind. “Why do you love Simon?”

 

Baz shrugs a little bit. “I don’t really know. I don’t think that we can choose who we fall for. In my case it was Simon. As for why I love him I figure it’s his annoyingly gorgeous face, his freckles and moles, the way his voice slurs when he’s tired… the list is endless.”

 

I smile, “You’re surprisingly gentle, Basil.”

 

“I doubt that I would be letting you paint my nails if I wasn’t a little soft.”

 

“I’m painting your nails black.”

 

“So what? I’m half emo and half fluffy.” he answers.

  


**Baz:**

After I’ve convinced Penny that I can do my own my makeup for class on Monday, I head back to the dorms. Simon is already there, writing a last minute Magick Words essay. He turns when I come into the room and his eyes immediately go to my nails. I can’t help but smirk.

 

“You painted your nails.” he says, ever the genius.

 

“Yeah. I was bored.”

 

“I’ve never seen you do that before.”

 

“Well, I normally do clear varnish so I don’t bite my nails. I felt like I had to switch it up this time.” I explain, feeling that this conversation is going exceptionally better than it usually does.

 

“I like it.” he says softly.

 

My pulse speeds up significantly, but I ignore it and reply cooly, “Oh?”

 

“Yeah. It suits you.” he stares at the floor. His embarrassment is rather endearing, but since when is anything that Simon Snow does not endearing.

 

I smirk, trying to ignore my annoyingly loud heartbeat. _I’m making progress here. Good idea, Penny. I should thank her for the wonderful advice. Never. That would be admitting that she truly is the best partner in crime that could be helping me in this endeavor._

  
  
  


**Simon:**

Baz disappears to somewhere or another as soon as our conversation ends. Normally, I would follow him, just to make sure that he isn’t plotting, but this isn’t normally. Nothing about this past week or so has been anywhere close to normal.

 

Once dinner ends, I’m finally ready to go to bed, and still Baz hasn’t returned from his mystery location. I sigh and turn towards the wall. Maybe I’ll try sleeping without him tonight instead of getting no sleep waiting up for him.

 

The next morning Baz is already at breakfast or something. His bedsheets are a little rumpled, which is the only evidence that he’s been in our room at all since that short while yesterday afternoon.

 

I decide to go do the last little bit of my homework in the library. As I’m sitting there, Agatha, otherwise known as my overdramatic ex-girlfriend comes up to me.

 

“Oh. Hello, Agatha.” I greet her.

 

“Hey, Simon.” she starts, looking like she wants to say more. Maybe she wants to get back together. I don’t know what I would say to that. Probably no, I don’t think that I want Agatha anymore.

 

“Yeah?” I prompt her, “what’s up?”

 

“Well, it’s almost Winter Vacation and I don’t think that you should come to my place for Christmas. It would be awkward because we’re not a couple anymore, you know? I’m sure Penelope will be fine with you staying with her family for the holidays or even staying here at Watford.” she says this all in a rush.

 

She knows that each word stings like a wasp. I have stayed with Agatha’s family over the holidays since second year, which is since before we were ever a couple. Penny’s mum doesn’t exactly hate me, but having me stay for the entire break would probably drive her mad. I couldn’t do that to Penny or her mum, staying at Watford would just open the old I’m-a-pathetic-and-lonely-orphan-with-no-friends wound.

 

“Totally awkward.” I say in false agreement, “I can find someone to stay with, don’t worry about me.”

 

“Great!” she says, “see you around, Simon.”

 

As she hurries away I feel the familiar sensation of tears pricking my eyes. I shove all of my stuff into my bag and race of to the dorms before people can notice that I’m crying. By the time I get back to the dorms, I’m almost full-on sobbing.

 

Unfortunately for me, Baz is sitting at his desk and looks up in surprise when I come barreling through the door.

 

“Simon?” he questions when I throw my bag across the room and collapse on my bed, burying my face in my pillow, “are you alright?”

 

“Does it look like I’m all-fucking-right to you?” I snap.

 

I can feel how taken-aback he is, even without looking at him.

 

Then I feel the bed dip as he sits down. That is quickly followed by him rubbing my back with his feather-light touch. I take a deep breath and prop myself up on my elbows.

 

“What’s wrong, Simon?” Baz asks me softly.

 

I don’t even bother poking at him for calling me by my first name. I prefer it to be honest, and I know that if I say anything he’ll stop using it.

 

“Agatha told me I can’t come to her house for Christmas. I can’t stay with Penny because I’ll aggravate her mum to death and staying here at Watford will be actual hell. So I feel pretty shitty about life right now.”

 

“You can stay with me for the holidays.” Baz says.

 

I freeze, “What?”

 

“You heard me.” he answers, “I said you can stay with me over the holidays.”

 

“But doesn’t your family like hate me?”

 

“Fuck my family.” he says angrily, “you’re welcome to stay with me.”

 

He gets up to leave, but I turn over and grasp his arm tightly. “Stay.”

 

We fall asleep like that, still dressed and tangled in each other’s arms.

  


**Baz:**

I wake up in my clothes from last night, an empty bed, my fangs digging into my lower lip, and a growling stomach. And I’m in Simon’s bed. He’s probably already gone to breakfast. I realize what today is. The day that I completely fuck with Snow and hopefully make him fully fall for me. Through the power of liquid eyeliner and mascara.

 

I practically leap out of bed. I get dressed in another uniform and run to the bathroom, digging the makeup out from under the sink.

 

My makeup routine is simple, but pretty fucking hot if I do say so myself. After I finish it I head to the catacombs, making sure that no one sees me. I drain a few rats, which is just enough to satiate my hunger and get my fangs to fuck off.

 

I go into the dining hall, but stay as far away from Snow as possible. I have to catch him off guard. Penny sees me though and gives me a discreet thumbs up. I eat breakfast quickly and leave for class just after Simon does.

 

As soon as I walk into Latin, Simon’s eyes meet mine and widen. I send him one of my signature smirks and sit down at the desk next to him so that he has a perfect view.

  


**Simon:**

Baz is wearing makeup.

 

There’s no trace of his sweet, soft side from last night. This morning he’s all reckless dark lines, swagger, and that trademark ruthless smirk. It’s unbearably hot. I wince; I realize Penny might have been right to call us lovebirds. Well, we’re not lovebirds _yet_ , but at this rate it’s quite possible.

 

I let out a small whimper and Baz turns his head quickly to me, flashing me a gorgeous grin he turns back to the board.

 

Fuck. He’s found me out and I know that I’ll never hear the end of this unless I shut him up first.

  


**Penny:**

Baz is all suavey charm and charisma during our morning classes. By lunchtime I can tell that he’s really getting to Simon.

 

Poor Simon really. His magick is tipping towards the chaotic zone and his knuckles are white as he grips the edge of the desk in Magick Words. All of this just keeps Baz going. I see him brush his arm against Simon’s as they walk into classes, the contact seems as though it burns Simon every single time he starts a little bit.

 

When Baz asked for a pencil in Latin, he let his fingers linger on Simon’s for a beat too long. I almost giggle at the memory. I didn’t know Baz could be this flirty, but I really shouldn't have doubted him. I also don’t know how I ever thought he was straight. Gods, you couldn’t find a gayer kid at Watford if you tried.

 

This whole thing is becoming incredibly amusing. I know that one day we’ll look back on this and laugh. I hope that I’ll be sitting on the couch in our shared flat in London, drinking coffee and watching TV together.

 

I sigh. I hope that this will work out.

  


**Baz:**

I can tell that this is fucking with Simon’s head. Though it’s also fucking with my head. His expressions and that it’s making his magick bubble up just makes me want to shove him up against a wall and snog him senseless. Well, that impulse is getting stronger.

 

By the end of the day I’m surprised that Simon hasn’t gone off yet. I eat dinner quickly and return to the dorm before Simon. He comes in minutes later, and judging from his expression he either wants to kiss me or fuck me.

 

Oh, how the tables have turned.

 

When he sees me, he sags back against the door. He looks as though he’s lost a fight against some terrible monster, which I realize is me.

 

I stride towards him and his ethereal blue eyes widen. As soon as I get close to him he reaches for my hand. I’m pulled flush to his chest in seconds. I put my hand on his chest and I can feel his heartbeat beneath my fingertips.

 

His gaze flickers from my eyes to my lips and back again. I give him a smirk and he whimpers softly, just like this morning. I want to take this slow, and so, making sure that I don’t scare him away, I lean in closer.

 

To my delight, he doesn’t pull away; his eyes flutter closed. Our lips slowly interlock and it’s perfectly awkward. Neither of us know how far to go, but I think that he wants more. I kiss him deeply, which goes into passionately, which continues into lustful and wanton. After a few minutes, I think as time becomes wonky when you’re kissing, we’re filthy-kissing. I’ve done this with other random boys, but never fully sober and never with Simon.

 

Simon kisses desperately, hungrily, and better than anyone I’ve kissed before. Of course, he’s had practice with Wellbelove, but I doubt he’s ever kissed another boy like this.

  


**Simon:**

Baz’s kisses are intoxicating. It’s like he’s figuring me out. What I like and what I don’t like. Agatha never did that. She just kissed me. We never really made out, never kissed with tongue, never did anything past soft whimsical kisses and getting coffee together over Winter break.

 

When Baz and I part, I’m gasping for breath. He gives me that annoying smirk.

 

“I hate you,” I gasp out.

 

He laughs; it’s genuine and pure, which I’ve never heard from him before. “Sure you do. What you just did totally shows me that you hate me.”

 

I blush furiously and he laughs again, wrapping his arms tightly around me. He pulls me away from the door and toward his bed. Then he sits down on the bed and pulls me into his lap, but doesn’t kiss me again. I let my body fall limp in his arms and loop my arms over his shoulders.

 

“What the fuck did we just do?” Baz asks me softly.

 

“Well, we made out…”

 

“No shit, Sherlock.” he snaps, but doesn’t push me off like I thought he would.

 

“You were the one who asked!”

 

“It was a rhetorical question, Simon.”

 

We’re arguing, yes, but it’s different than all of our other arguments. I’m sitting on his lap for one and our words aren’t laced with their usual venom. It’s as if we’re just joking. And I think I like this better than actual fighting. I think I’m willing to do a lot of things for Baz. Maybe I always felt this way and I’m just realizing what those feelings really were now. I wouldn’t put it past myself.

 

I also love the way he says my first name now.

 

“Snow?” he asks, _scratch that last thought._

 

“What?”

 

“Oh, just you hadn’t talked in a while and I wondered if I had offended you or something.” he answers nervously.

 

I position myself to look at him, smiling, “Just thinking.”

 

“About?”

 

“Us.”

 

“Us? Really?” he questions, seemingly surprised.

 

“Yeah. I like this, Baz, and I think that you do too.”

 

He smirks, “What gave you that idea?”

 

I roll my eyes and continue, “I guess...I want this to become a serious thing.”

 

“A serious thing? As in a relationship?”

 

“Yeah. That.”

 

“You want to be in a relationship with me? As in you want to be my boyfriend?”

 

“Yes!” I exclaim, “I want to be your boyfriend and I want you to be my boyfriend.”

 

He smiles and brushes my curls out of my face with his fingertips. “I’d like that.”

 

I blush, “Really?”

 

“Of course. How moronic do you have to be to not realize that I’ve been in love with you for years, Simon?”

 

“Years?!”

 

“Years.”

 

“Damn, Baz, why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“You were happy,” he says, voice suddenly sounding sadder,“with Agatha. I didn’t want to get in the middle of your _perfect destiny_ , but I did anyway. I annoyed you until you went off because that’s the closest I thought I was ever gonna get. I thought you would either mock me, hate me, or out me to the whole school. Basically, I was too scared.”

 

“I don’t think that I would have done any of that stuff to you.” I say, wrapping my arms firmly around him, “I think I would’ve realized what you mean to me before I did anything stupid.”

 

He smiles weakly, “Perhaps you would’ve been nice to me, but I didn’t know that.”

 

“I don’t blame you!” I say, tightening my grip on him.

 

“Thanks, I guess.”

 

“You guess?”

 

“I don’t know what to say!” he defends himself.

 

I kiss him briefly on the lips and then pull away just as he starts kissing me back. “We’re gonna have to tell Penny about this…”

 

“Oh, shit.” he says, “you have no idea.”

  


**Penny:**

“So you’re saying that you two,” Simon gestures at Baz and me, “we’re conspiring against me in order to get me to fall in love with Baz?!”

 

“That’s the gist of it, yeah.” I answer nervously.

 

“You tricked me!” he practically shouts and the rest of the late-afternoon library patrons look over at us, most are glaring.

 

“I wouldn’t say _tricked_ exactly,” Baz cuts in, “we simply pushed you towards me. Neither of us knew that it would work. You did that on your own, love.”

 

Simon blushes furiously at Baz’s use of _love_. “So the whole makeup thing was all part of your plan?”

 

“It was Agatha’s idea actually.” I add, “I asked her about how to seduce people and she told me to try wearing makeup.”

 

“And the locking us in a tower couldn’t have been a coincidence then…”

 

“Nope. That was Trixie’s idea. I think she thought I was writing gay fanfiction, but at least it worked out in our favor.” I motion to Baz with the last sentence.

  


**Baz:**

Simon puts his head in his hands and I look over at Penelope for guidance. She gives me a small smile of reassurance.

 

“Simon?” I ask.

 

“What?” he snaps, looking up at me. _Well, at least he’s actually looking at me instead of at the floor. Let’s hope that he’s not too mad at me or his best friend for that matter._

 

“Are you alright?” _wow, Basilton, that sounded shitty as he’s sitting there with his head in his hands and snapping at you._

 

“I’m fine, just a little surprised. Although I really shouldn’t be surprised because now that I think about it, you two were being very conspiratorially obvious.”

 

“We tried to keep you in the dark as well as we could.” Penny says, “I didn’t even realize that we would have to tell you this if our quest succeeded.”

 

“How do you know that you succeeded?” Simon asks, meaning only to be contrary.

 

I slowly trail my fingers down his arm and then take his hand. He lets me do all of that. The only sign that I’m touching him is the slight little shiver that courses through his body at the first brush of my fingertips.

 

“Yes,” I breathe in his ear, “I believe we succeeded.”

 

“Get a room, you two!” Penny says.

 

I stand up and pull him with me, “Will do, Pen.”

 

She rolls her eyes, “So you’re alright with everything, Si?”

 

“Yeah.” he answers, and then looks at me, “I guess I’m a little bit glad about it all.”

 

She smirks in reply, _have I been rubbing off on her?_ and then waves goodbye.

 

We don’t hold hands on the way back to our room. I doubt that either of us are ready for such public shows of affection yet, but as soon as we’re climbing the stairs to our dorm he grips my hand like a lifeboat. It’s disgustingly cute. I lean in to kiss him, but he pulls away before I have the chance.

 

“I can’t believe that you and Penny literally had a plan to make me fall in love with you.” he says, half- frustrated and half-laughing.

 

“I was desperate!” I protest.

 

He laughs now and opens the door to our room, giving me a quick peck on the cheek in the process. I close the door behind us and ask, “Well, did it work?”

 

He looks confused, “Did what work?”

 

“Our plan.” I answer, “are you in love with me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it? Because I had so much fun writing this. Any guesses as to my favorite scenes to write? Comment your guess!! 
> 
> Question: Should I add more extra scenes to this fic as new chapters or just write other little oneshots and make them into a series? 
> 
> Also so much thanks to my lovely best-friend and beta reader, Kai!! Give them some love in the comments please. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and check out my other works!  
> -xan


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